Fly So Far Away
by Saya Moonshadow
Summary: Nothing can hurt more than someone you care about betraying you, but what do you do with your feelings?  VakamaNokama oneshot.


**Hey, I got this idea from one Whale Shark 7, a brilliant author who writes brilliant fanfiction. We've been talking lately about the Vakama/Nokama pairing (which we both love) and it got me to thinking: what WERE Nokama's true thoughts upon learning that Vakama was working for Roodaka? Featured song is Evanescence's "Before The Dawn". I think it fits...somehow. Ahem.**

**Fly So Far Away**

**By Saya of Purity**

_Meet me after dark again and I'll hold you__  
__I am nothing more than to see you there..._

'_Is he OK?'_

The thought rang through her head countless times, each louder than the last, threatening to drive her to insanity. Of COURSE he was OK, he was Vakama, after all. And Vakama was ALWAYS OK, no matter what. Nothing would happen to him, she had told herself before. Norik was looking for him, trying to calm him down. Then they would come back and start to form a plan to turn back into the Toa Metru.

Basically, to what they were SUPPOSED to be.

But now she knew that wasn't it. Norik himself had told her so. He'd seen Vakama, seen what he'd become. He'd seen the poisonous green eyes, once a deep soulful red-orange, seen them light up with the sheer primal joy of destruction. He'd seen them glow like lightstones in the darkness of the lower chamber of the Great Temple, and known. He'd known right then and there that Vakama was no longer what he should have been.

At first, she hadn't believed it. She'd tried to tell him he was wrong, convince the others that he was wrong, and even herself that it couldn't be true. But in the end, she'd given up. Norik was right. Vakama was gone and in his place was a feral and evil monster, capable of anything and everything, all of it evil. And then she had stood, alone by the edge of the lake, trying to figure out why.

Why had he given in so easily? Why had he turned on them like that, just forsaking everything he'd ever fought for in the blink of an eye? Were they really that unimportant? Was SHE that insignificant? She hadn't thought so, she'd always thought of him as her best friend, always there. She'd been there for him, and in his own strange way, he was there for her. Sure, she saved him more than he saved her, but he HAD defeated the Makuta all by himself, and he HAD led them well...sometimes. Other times, one she could name right off the top of her head, he had been less than smart. Like running into Metru-Nui like that when they KNEW something was wrong. But it was Vakama she was talking about. His newfound bravery had annoyed and overjoyed her at once. She was annoyed by the reckless idiocy that seemed to accompany it, but at the same time was happy that he had found confidence. She knew that the constant stream of taunts and insults from Matau and Onewa did nothing to improve his self-esteem, but he had broken through. It took defeating a Great Being to do it though.

Poor Vakama. A simple mask-maker one day and leader of the Toa within the hour. He'd gone from making almost no decisions to ALL the decisions. She could understand how overwhelming that could be, when she became a teacher she hadn't quite known how to deal with all her students. And trying to make a decision that will ultimately decide the fate of your world isn't something to sneeze at. No wonder Vakama had been so stressed out.

But she had thought he was better than that. Better than taking the easy way out of a bad situation. Better than forsaking his friends for something he knew next to nothing about. Especially when the one thing he knew about it was that it was evil. But in spite of all that, she couldn't stop caring. There was no way she COULDN'T care about him. Her best friend.

'_Is he OK?'_

_And maybe tonight  
We'll fly so far away__  
__We'll be lost  
Before the dawn..._

She knew that inside, he wasn't evil. He had proven it too many times when he had practically sacrificed himself to save others. He had saved her from the Morbuzakh, saved the Matoran from Makuta, gathered the Great Disks, helped to save Toa Lhikan from the prison where he'd been kept. OK, so it had been Nuju who had saved Lhikan, but he didn't know who the old Turaga in the cell with him was. It had been Vakama's intent all along to save him. But then Lhikan had died, and to save Vakama's life, of all things. It had destroyed him inside, she knew. To watch the one person he had been able to relate to, the first person ever to believe in him, die, it just killed him on the inside.

Nokama sighed. Without a leader, it became obvious just how bad they functioned. With only Norik to lead them, and without Vakama's slightly stern hand, they were such a bad team it wasn't even funny. Nuju and Whenua bickered constantly about which was more important, the past or the future, both giving hundreds of examples why his opinion was the better one. Matau and Onewa argued all the time, mostly about how to kill Vakama when they found him. These conversations always made her wince, and inside, she knew it was painfully obvious how worried she was. And listening to Matau rant about how he was going to throttle the former leader did nothing to improve her state of mind. She knew Nuju understood. She saw the understanding looks he gave her every time this would start up again, saw the exasperation flare in his eyes, practically heard him say, "Don't worry, they're just stupid."

Her thoughts were interrupted by Onewa's angry shout of, "Hey, don't call ME stupid when YOU'RE th'stupid one! If anyone's responsible for this, it's YOU. So shut yore trap an' leave me alone!"

"Oh really?" Matau sneered. "How is it MY fault-problem, pray tell?"

"You're the one who ran 'im off!" Onewa snapped. "If you'd kept that tongue o' yours under control 'steada just mouthin' off like you always do, then Vakama wouldn't've run off and we wouldn't be wastin' time havin' to search for 'im!"

"It was his fault-problem in the first place for bein' so hot-headed and walkin' headfirst into a trap-capture like that!" Matau shouted back. "I didn't see you tryin' to defend 'im either, you were agreein' with me! So you can't talk either, Onewa!"

_If only night can hold you where I can see you, my love__  
__Then let me never ever wake again..._

The two growled low and menacingly, the Rhotuka spinners on their backs shooting up and beginning to glow. They circled like wary Rahi about to have a fight to the death. But before anything could happen, Nuju's hand knocked Matau down as Whenua did the same to Onewa.

"You are acting like BABIES!" the Toa of Ice shouted, his voice for once not cultured but instead hot with anger. "And I for one am DONE with listening to your immature arguments! So put a rock in it before I do it for you!"

"Will you now?" Onewa asked.

Nuju glowered and the blade on his right arm swung up and glinted in the fading sunlight.

"Uhh...point taken." Matau muttered, getting up. "Well, if this's where we're gonna camp-stay for the night, I'm gonna go find myself somewhere to sleep-dream alone. Seeya." He stalked off, muttering darkly to himself.

Nuju sighed and offered a hand to help Onewa up, but the former Toa of Stone would have no help in such a simple task as rising. He got to his feet and brushed the dirt off himself, glaring at Nuju as he did so.

"He has a point though," Whenua said after a minute.

"About what?" Nuju asked.

"It would be a good idea for everyone to find their own separate places to stay for the night. Cuz we're kinda drivin' each other a little crazy." As if to emphasize his point, a flock of screeching Gukko birds took flight, closely pursued by green blasts of energy and a loud yell of, "STAY 'WAY FROM MY TURF, BUZZARDS!" Whenua chuckled softly to himself and plopped down where he stood. "Well, if no one objects, I'll sleep right here. Nice soft earth."

Nuju laughed. "I'm sure. Well, I'm off. Onewa, you going to stand there all night glaring at me, or are you gonna get some sleep?"

The brown Hordika stared, nonplussed, for a moment, and then began to laugh. "For once, y'have a point," he said, turning around. "There were some nice rocks back there, they'd do for a good sleepin' place."

_And maybe tonight  
We'll fly so far away__  
__We'll be lost  
Before the dawn..._

"Sleeping on a pile of rocks..." Nuju muttered once he'd left. "No wonder he's so cranky all the time."

At this point Norik alighted down right in front of them. "I have scouted the area, and it appears to be safe. I think you're free to sleep safely here." He smiled.

Whenua smiled back. "Thank you, Rahaga," he said, bowing as much as his mutated body would allow. "We appreciate your wisdom."

"It's not wisdom, it's common sense." Norik corrected him, thumping him on the chest with his staff. "Any Toa should think to scout the area out for danger when they come to it. Simple protectional procedure."

"Right." the black Hordika muttered, feeling his chest where the staff had hit. "Well, I'm off. See you all in the morning." He disappeared in a flurry of flying earth and soon, they heard his quiet breathing from about ten feet underground.

"You should get some sleep as well, both of you." Norik said, eyeing Nuju and Nokama. "You've had a long day, especially with those other two arguing all the time."

"I'll keep watch." Nuju said and stalked off to a large rock sitting about twenty feet away. He sat down, sighing loudly.

"And you, Nokama," Norik said sternly. "You need to sleep. It's easy to tell that you haven't been sleeping very well lately."

She blinked, surprised. "It is?"

"Yes." he said simply. "Go get some sleep. It'll help."

She nodded, suddenly very tired. "Yes Rahaga. Good night."

"And a good night to you, Toa of Water." Norik replied, bowing.

She had just found what seemed like a nice spot when she heard a voice above her say, "Nokama?" She looked up to see Matau staring at her from the large tree she was sitting under. She sighed. "Hello Matau. I didn't know this was your sleeping place. I'll go find another one." She was just about to get up when he said, "No don't!"

"Why?" she asked, nonplussed. "The whole idea of this was to find our own places to sleep with no one to bother you so you could calm down."

He grinned at her and she felt her heart twinge nervously. Dammit, if only Vakama were there! "Yeah, but you're not the one who was talk-rilin' me." he replied. "So you're in the clear."

"How nice." she muttered. "Listen Matau, I just want to sleep. So if you'll excuse me, I'll see you tomorrow." Ignoring his exasperated sigh, she got up and left, walking a little farther into the forest.

This sucked. Like, majorly sucked. Not only was her best friend gone, but she was stuck with the one person who truly managed to annoy her. Yes, Matau was cute and all that, but...somehow, she didn't enjoy whenever he flirted with her. It only annoyed her, especially when he put the others down to make himself look good. While funny, it was at the same time a little degrading. He definitely wasn't making himself look any better by putting their team down like that.

'_You're just mad that Vakama isn't here to calm you down.'_ a voice inside her head whispered. She jerked, shaking her head wildly. _'No I'm not,'_ she snapped back. _'He's my friend, and I want him back. Friends don't leave friends to die.'_

'_Are you so sure he isn't more than that to you?'_

'_I am. He's a friend, and nothing more.'_

'_He is more.'_

'_No he's not.'_

This was beginning to make her mad. Why was this voice pestering her about this?

"He's my best friend." she said aloud. "Where would I get by having feelings for him?"

_Somehow I know that we can't  
Wake again from this dream__  
__It's not real  
But it's ours..._

"I'd say you'd get about where I got." Nokama spun around, Rhotuka spinner ready, but then she stopped. A transparent blue Toa was standing in front of her, smiling gently. She radiated an aura of calm and tranquility, like a forgotten lake.

"Do...I know you?" Nokama asked suspiciously. She was strangely familiar...

"I don't believe so." the Toa answered, her serene smile widening. She sat down next to Nokama and sighed contentedly. "But I know you, Nokama Metru, Toa of Water."

"Like what?" Nokama asked suspiciously.

"Like the fact that you were once the greatest teacher Ga-Metru ever knew. You were chosen to be the Toa of Water by Lhikan of Fire for your wisdom. You believe you are not the true chosen Toa of Water, and you are mistaken in that belief. And you have a close relationship with Vakama Metru, Toa of Fire."

Nokama blinked, taken aback. How did this apparition know all that?

"How do you know all that?" she breathed.

The strange Toa smiled again. "I know almost everything that goes on in Metru-Nui," she said.

"Who ARE you?" Nokama asked in awe.

The smile faded, replaced by a look of such sadness it brought her down just seeing it. "My name is Kaylani." the ghost said. "When I was alive, I had the title of Toa of Water. And I too had a special relationship with my team leader, Lhikan."

"Special relationship?"

Kaylani nodded. "Very special. He was special to me, and I was special to him. I was his...wife, I guess you could say. Well, almost."

"How could you be ALMOST his wife?" Nokama asked suspiciously. "I was under the impression that either you are or you aren't."

_M__aybe tonight  
We'll fly so far away__  
__We'll be lost  
Before the dawn..._

Kaylani laughed, the smile returning, though not as wide. "True. But that is a story for another time. If there IS another time, that is. I'm not here to talk about me. I'm here to talk about you, Nokama."

"Me?" Why this beautiful woman would want to talk about HER of all people was beyond her.

"Yes you. You need help with your feelings...especially those for your best friend."

Nokama's eyes narrowed. "I'm not in love with him."

To her consternation, Kaylani laughed again. "As Lhikan used to say, Kikanalo poop." she smiled. "OK, so maybe your feelings aren't at THAT stage yet, but even I can tell that he means a lot more to you than you are willing to say."

The Hordika bristled. "No I don't."

"Nokama..." The ghost Toa laid a hand on her cheek. Her touch was cool and light, but dry, like the desert at night. "Help begins with acceptance. You can't help the way you feel. I know I couldn't, try though I did to deny it. And when I was finally able to accept it, my heart flew."

Nokama felt tears coming, but she held them back and looked down so the other Toa wouldn't see them. "I...I..."

"With great power comes responsibility. And love is a great and unstoppable power, Nokama. Your responsibility now is to accept it as it is and use it to your advantage."

Suddenly the tears fell and she couldn't stop them. "I...can't let him go..." she whispered, pulling her knees to her chest. "He's...my best friend...I don't want to let him go..."

"And so you shouldn't." Kaylani replied, tilting the Hordika's chin up to face her. "Instead of denying how you feel, you need to use it. Your voice may be the first key to unlocking his heart again."

"How?" Nokama asked, hating for this tall, stately lady to see her like this.

"Lhikan once told me of an old saying: the voice of a woman is more powerful than the mightiest army. Now, I'm not telling you to scream and yell at him, but call his name...you'll be surprised at just how well it works. I know I was."

She got up. "But now, Nokama, I must leave. What you choose to do from now on is up to you, but I hope you see fit to take my advice. Otherwise...well, I'm not going to say it."

Her already transparent form began to fade. "And Nokama?"

"Yes?" Nokama answered, watching her in awe.

"...if Lhikan ever appears to any of you again...please tell him I am waiting for him."

Nokama bowed. "I will."

Kaylani smiled. Then there was a small flash of blue light and she was gone without a trace.

_M__aybe tonight  
We'll fly so far away__  
__We'll be lost  
Before the dawn..._

**AN: Was that one good? I thought it wasn't my best, but meh. I just hope Whale Shark 7 likes it. Now I just gotta find that darned flesh tone pencil so I can finish the pic I owe her .. Reviews, anyone?**


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